What to Do If You Are Worried About Someone You Love
Worrying about someone you love can be exhausting.
You may notice changes before they are ready to talk about them. They may be drinking more. Using substances more often. Missing work or school. Pulling away from family. Acting unlike themselves. Asking for money. Becoming more secretive. Getting defensive when you bring it up.
You may feel scared, angry, helpless, or unsure whether you are overreacting.
First, take your concern seriously. You do not need proof of a substance use disorder to have a caring conversation. You only need to know that something feels off and that you care about the person’s well-being.
Try to choose a calm time to talk. Avoid starting the conversation when the person is intoxicated, in crisis, or in the middle of an argument. Begin with what you have noticed and how you feel.
You might say:
“I’ve noticed you seem overwhelmed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
“I care about you, and I want to check in about your drinking.”
“I’m not here to judge you. I want to understand what’s been going on.”
“I’ve seen some changes, and I don’t want to ignore them.”
Then listen.
This can be hard. When we are scared, we often want to lecture, plead, threaten, or fix everything right away. But listening does not mean you agree with everything. It means you are trying to keep the door open.
You can be compassionate and still have boundaries.
A boundary might be:
“I can drive you to an appointment, but I cannot give you cash.”
“I love you, but I cannot let substance use happen in my home.”
“I want to support you, and I also need support for myself.”
“I am willing to talk when we can both be respectful.”
If you are worried about overdose or immediate safety, do not wait. Call emergency services if someone is unresponsive, has slowed or stopped breathing, has blue or gray lips, or cannot be awakened. SAMHSA’s overdose prevention guidance includes information about overdose reversal medications like naloxone and nalmefene and how to respond to overdose.
It is also okay to seek help for yourself. Family members and loved ones often carry a heavy emotional load. You may need a therapist, support group, spiritual care, or trusted person who can help you sort through what is yours to carry and what is not.
You cannot force someone into lasting change by loving them harder. That is painful, but true. What you can do is stay grounded, communicate clearly, offer support, reduce harm where possible, and protect your own well-being.
It may also help to gather information. Learn about treatment options. Ask about local resources. Find out whether there are family support groups, therapy options, drop-in clinics, or community-based services available.
Most of all, remember that your loved one is still a person. Substance use may be affecting their choices, but it does not erase their dignity.
Start with care. Stay honest. Get support.
You do not have to carry this worry alone. Consider reaching out to Anesis, attending a drop-in clinic, or learning more about family support options available in the community.
